Sometimes it just stings.

*I’ve been debating whether or not to post this all week. I decided to go ahead with hope that this will help someone… and trust that my friends/family/readers realize this is not a pity party.

Sometimes it just stings.

Yesterday (Mother’s Day) was a hard day for me. And not because I can’t/don’t have babies (although my heart breaks for my friends who are going through this) or because I don’t know wonderful mothers or because I had some horrible relationship with my mom. In fact, I had a wonderful Mr.Mom who learned to french braid hair, play with Barbies, and actively learned about ‘girl’ life just so I could have as normal upbringing as possible. I have 2 phenomenal grandmothers who helped take care of me and walked along side my Daddy to help raise me. I have an Aunt who will go out of her way to make me feel special and catered to. There were mother’s of friends, “aunts”, and a nanny who all treated me like family, even though no blood is shared. I’ve also got the best mother-in-law a girl could hope for.  I am thankful for each of them and the impact they’ve had on my life.

BUT…

it is an ugly but…

and it is a but that I will battle the rest of my life…

I love this photo. I love that expression.

I feel the sting. The sting only death can leave on a person. It’s one of those things. A flood of emotion that slugs you in the gut and is just plain hard. Mother’s Day does not make me unhappy. I don’t write this out of bitterness or anger, or to take away from other’s wonderful days. I’m just sore. Stung, sore, and raw. Like a fresh wound. I’ve found that grief ebbs and flows, and this is a time when it flows. Jealousy creeps. There is the hole in my life, a hole that is reserved for MY mother. For OUR relationship. The longing for a relationship strong and secure, similar to the one I have with my Dad, but different because it would be with my mother. I replay stories and photographs in my mind. Stories other people have told me, because I really don’t remember. Pictures I have seen and committed to memory. A tear or two fall. Then I look in the mirror. Something about looking in the mirror makes me feel comfort, closer to her. I look like her, and that is something we share. She was physically beautiful, and I’m glad I got a little bit of that beauty! She also had a beautiful character and is fondly remembered. I’m thankful every time someone tells me I remind them of her. Whether I do something just like her or say something just like her or my mannerisms are just like her. I’m thankful for these notable similarities because it is another dot that connects me to her. Another thing to help give shape to the void.  I trust that she would be proud, because they tell me she would be. They know because they remember. While I miss her terribly and wish I could bring her a humongous bouquet of peonies and a Val’s pizza for dinner, instead I must cling to the promises of the cross. The promise that Christ has indeed defeated sin. That she isn’t experiencing any sadness or pain or consequence of sin — rather she is dancing with joy. She is home. That one day I will go home, too. We will be together and worship Him. And that will be a fabulous day friends. A day I anticipate.

This week also marks the week my parents would have celebrated their anniversary. I’m so thankful she had such fantastic taste. She knew he would be  terrific father… even if he doubted. She did well!

Some comfort from Hebrews 12:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, ² looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Tomahawk Chop

Happy Monday, everyone!

I just stole these from my sister in law, Ness’  blog. Figure I better post before I forget! On Friday night we were invited to our first Braves game of the season with Sean, Ness, and all 3 girls! We were lucky enough to be treated to the Bobby Cox Suite… if only 6 would have been there himself! His stand-in was pretty lifelike though.

Both the view and food were wonderful

Fun Fact – The Braves chop is one of the first things these girls are taught to do. By now they are pros!

So grateful to get to be so close to family and get to see these sweet girls growing.

Saturday we spent doing MORE yard improvements – seems like it will never end. Things are coming together and every time we’re out there we just have to remind ourselves where we started from.

What kind of time warp exists on weekends? Good grief!

It FLEW by… but I got to spend time with my little family and we had a good time.

These little ones turned half-year old and we celebrated with a fun half-birthday (un-birthday) party!

Carter - Lily - Mailon

Friday we headed up to NGA to see Jackson perform in a play which was hysterical.

If it is ever near, go! You’ll laugh. Guaranteed. Oh, and Jax threw in a F*R*I*E*N*D*S reference in the middle which was appreciated.

Saturday we hit up Dunwoody’s annual Lemonade Days and headed to a friends BBQ. Here’s a cute shot of me and my pup on the way.

Happy Monday, friends! 

Words Worth Remembering – Encouragement

Lovely little reminder for this Friday! 

Sometimes I have the worst attitude. Today began that way. I woke up on time, but spent too long perusing my facebook, twitter, and pinterest apps which made me run late. I didn’t like my hair (for the 3rd day in a row!) but i JUST got it cut. My face is all breaking out and I have no clue why. I had to go back in the house twice for random stuff I forgot. I still left my lunch at home. The weather sucks. I decided to go through the drive-thru at starbucks (since I had Toby with me) and the person 2 cars in front of me must have ordered drinks for the entire office. When I got to the window, I realized that I ordered the wrong drink — how does that happen? Then I Called home and found out my Dad is super sick with some flu and sounds like the talking-dead so I’d have to drop Toby off at his house. Should I continue… OMG!

I needed that precious little yellow reminder. Chin up. ALL of these ‘problems’ (first-world as they may be) stem from my choices (to get up late, to complain, to claim victim). Seriously, I need prayer a huge attitude adjustment. Selfishness is ruling in my sinful heart. All morning, I’ve kept longing for a different day — wishing this one away. A day with sunshine, my effortless hair framing my flawless skin, the barista whistling a tune while passing me my perfectly concocted iced mocha, and walking into work with my lunch a full 15 minutes ahead of schedule and everything is perfectly in order. I don’t necessarily believe it is wrong to long for days like those. However, I should not allow my wants to steal away my ability to be thankful and glad for what the Lord has provided me with today. A faithful husband, a pup who brings me joy, a job, money to buy lunch, a safe trip to work, rain/cool weather for my newly planted flowers (peonies!!!), etc.

I am a mess. Always. Good days and bad.

On days like today it is blatantly obvious. And on a ‘perfect’ day, I’d still be a mess because more than likely I’d think that the ease of the day was dependent solely on me and my greatness/togetherness, instead of recognizing and giving thanks to Him.

I don’t have things under control.

I don’t have it together.

However, despite my mess and sin – He is sustaining me, providing me, and continually blessing me with more than I deserve. With that knowledge, I can firmly say and believe… everything’s gonna be ok!

SOfa Comfy!

I really don’t rush when it comes to spending a lot of money. Funny how I can so easily pick up a new shirt, but when it comes to the ‘big’ stuff it takes me years to make a decision. Ever since the big wall came down, our living room just seemed crowded with the tall, deep, oversize couch and chair and a half.  Not awful. Definitely not unlivable. Just crowded.

Furniture hunting is pretty fun (remember way back when this all started here and here?)… until the beautiful piece you had your eye on is hard as a rock or the company stops producing the piece you finally decided to bite the bullet on. We had kind of given up on finding something in the near future. However, on a sleepless night, I was up trolling furniture websites for anything new. I happened to end up on Macy’s website and found they were having a great sale. We went to the store the next day to find this leather sectional was JUST as comfy as it was handsome. He was begging us to take him home – and who can say no to begging? So with a lot of nerves and a confident husband, we purchased the sectional and he arrived 2 weeks later!

I think it looks pretty dang awesome!

In preparation for the new furniture I decided to deep clean the living room. Great idea, poor execution. I even took down and washed my curtains from Target. They say MACHINE WASHABLE on the tag. I bet you can see where this is going. They shrunk almost an entire foot. Nothing you can do but laugh… ya know, because tears may actually cause them to shrink more and I really couldn’t handle that!

They used to touch the floor... now they don't even hit the bottom of the window

Please tell me I’m not the only one who has a knack for shrinking stuff… I’ll just go sit on my new, super comfy sofa and sulk.

Shameless Plug – Filigree Shoppe

Hey Y’all!

My BFF, Jessica, and her husband are in the midst of an adoption journey (check out their blog). Please check out the shop she has on Etsy, Filigree Shoppe and adopt an accessory for yourself or a friend!

Fav leather wrap bracelet:

Fav tote:

Choices

I’m continuing to word-vomit about living simply and what all it means to me/us… In addition to the weekly meetings my husband and I hold, we also shoot encouraging quotes/scripture back and forth to each other to spur one another on. This morning I received this quote:

Planning is a process of choosing among those many options. If we do not choose to plan, then we choose to have others plan for us.

- Richard I Winwood

Now, I have NO CLUE who Richard I Winwood is {after a quick google search, turns out he is an exec with Franklin Covey}… but he hits it right on the head. If we do not choose to be intentional about planning we, in essence, are choosing to be victim to circumstance.

In some cases being a victim of circumstance may not be a bad thing and spontaneity has moments of greatness. (I’m also a believer in planning times for spontaneity… how ironic?) However, the risks of not planning out our time and/or finances can (and, I believe, will) rob us of peace. Time-wise we may over-commit and let people down. Or we may meet those commitments and let our family down by neglecting to spend quality time together. We may decline an opportunity to serve our friends only to realize in hindsight we could have helped them and still maintained our responsibilities. We also may find our minds spinning at night with the “Did I remember to…” or the endless list of things we haven’t done. Financially speaking, friends may be in need and if we give we are unsettled because we aren’t sure if we gave too much and are going to struggle to meet our own responsibilities. On the flip side, friends may be in need and we choose not to give because we don’t feel confident in our own situation.

There is a freeing confidence and security of knowing where we stand (with time or money). Knowing the path our feet are currently on and where we are headed. Life will happen and sometimes the path will be altered — we can’t always see what is around the corner. It is much easier to make adjustments/’go with the flow’/adapt if there is a foundation (predictable pattern) from which our choices are made.

There are bound to be times where we fail, no matter how hard we try. Times when we seem to just fall on our face. Times when, even though we thought we had it all figured out and our intentions were good, it just goes completely awry. In those times, we can cling to the cross and know that God is ultimately in control, that He is faithful – whether we’ve been making good choices or not.

Couldn’t resist mentioning my sweet 3 year-old niece who has already got a great grasp on the concept of choice. She’s been known to reply to situations (usually consequences) with “Life is choices”